Ants…Internet…And everything in between

Ants….Internet…And everything in between.

Anthony Robbins, one of the world’s greatest life coaches in the world says ‘The better questions you ask, the better answers you get.’ I am a big fan of Tony Robbins and I keep asking questions about life to no one in particular all the time. Imagine Paresh Rawal in Judaai, without the need to blurt out the questions to unsuspecting passersby.

The other day, I had decided that the internet was the root cause of all my issues. A life without internet is a simpler one, I concluded. So, during the rather uneventful elevator ride(should it be called de-elevator if it is heading down?) towards the ground floor, I swore off the internet. There were no witnesses at the swearing off ceremony, but I trusted the lift cameras to document my swearing off. I didn’t give any time limit, because I have had such phases of swearing off stuff(read coffee) in the past, but without much success.

Psychologists state that your emotion determines your thought. I figured that if you are in an emotional state of wanting to blame someone/something for your issues, you turn towards the internet(or Facebook). It is the ‘needing to blame’ which causes you to blame the internet and not the internet causing a need to blame. P. S I just happen to know this stuff and wanted to fit it in somewhere, so I typed it here. 😉

I did not foresee the mind boggling question that was going to hit me a few seconds later, just like you don’t foresee someone farting on your face as you step on an escalator wearing a rather show-offy perfume. Yes, stuff like this happens with me for some strange reason.

The question that baffled me was ‘Why don’t ants get diabetes, despite the fact that all they do is eat sugar all day?’

Having been on a semi -sugar fast(one of the passing fads I am into) which renders me pretentious when I talk about it, I felt that the world was particularly biased towards ants and unfair towards us cupcake loving and drooling over chocolate homo-sapiens. I could not start googling my question at hand, but my mind didn’t stop working. After all, all answers lie within, don’t they?

I thought about ants for a few seconds. Sure, they eat enormous amounts of sugar, given their teeny sizes, but they also do a massive amount of weight lifting(8X their weight) and cardio. Plus they keep bumping into each other.The bumping probably doesn’t increase their calorie burn, but imagine someone who is 80kg(that is not my weight), carrying 80*8 = 640kg of weight walking in a straight line, following other dudes who are also carrying weights 8X their respective weights and then bumping into a bunch of dudes who are approaching them head on, even though there is miles of space all around them. Half my sugar craving is gone. And what if someone drops 8X on someone’s foot? Ants’ legs don’t have bones, so nothing gets fractured, but perhaps their legs get detached or something. Frankly I didn’t imagine this post to turn gory.

I then decided to give my brain a rest. I figured that this question would weaken my resolve of not using the internet. I decided to edit Piyush Mishra’s poetry ‘Halki Phulki si hai zindagi. Bojh to khwayishon ka hai’ to ‘Halki Phulki si hai zindagi. Bojh to internet ka hai’ in order to strengthen my willpower a tiny bit.

I managed to stay off the internet for 4-5 hours. Later that evening, this ant question struck me again unannounced during a casual banter with my sister.

At first, she was flabbergasted at the question(and maybe also at its sheer uselessness). But, this question is guaranteed to trigger something in a person, due to its blatant and shameless unfairness. By now, the 8X weight carrying gym dude scenario had slipped from my mind. I just thought of pretty little cupcakes waiting to be consumed and how ants have thin waistlines. Have you ever seen an obese ant?

She quickly went onto the internet and said that there were forums which answered this question. Good to know that I am not the only one with this insatiable curiosity. No one knew the right answer and everyone just attributed the health of the ants to their healthy metabolism and lots of exercise. I realised there was an unexplored world lying out there on Yahoo answers and Quora.com which would be totally inaccessible to me if I were to take a hiatus from the internet world. Wait…..! Do cockroaches get a common cold, if they eat leftovers of a person suffering from common cold? Do they then sneeze and cough? I can’t stop!!!

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