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Bus marathon and grocery bags

There is a new type of marathon I am considering inventing- ‘Bus Marathon’. The word marathon was inspired by the run of a soldier from a battlefield at the site of the town of Marathon, Greece to Athens in 490 B.C. I am trying to guess what I would have been doing back then. If I was a human being in that lifetime, I would probably be sleeping in late, trying to avoid any stresses from watching that soldier run the marathon. If I was an insect, I would probably be hiding far away from the street on which that soldier would be running on. No trampling please.

Anyhow, back to the bus marathon. Over the past decade based on no data samples collected, but based on pure observation, I have come to realise the mechanics of buses and their correlation to your reaching the bus stop. Following are the only combinations I have come across in my life. You may have come across more combinations like reaching the bus stop just comfortably on time as the bus arrives. I will gladly label you as ‘lucky’ and frown a little.

The bus stop- bus boarding correlation scenarios:

1. It is sweltering hot, so much so that you feel like a walking talking sauna bath. You make your way to the bus stop. You wait patiently hoping the sun won’t melt you down by the time the bus arrives. You turn on Facebook to avoid eye contact with any person or reality. You are happily wrapped up in the bubble of stories flying around from the world, and you realise that it still hasn’t arrived. You look at the clock on your phone, totally ignoring the brand new yellow coloured watch you bought the previous day. It has been 2 min 37 seconds since you got here.

“Pich” you say, with an air of superiority, as if it has never happened to you before. The others also mimic your facial expression. Some even mimic your irritation. People are now one shade redder/darker than before. 6 inch heels have now melted to become 4 inch heels. Life is bad and global warming is sweeping the heels away. The makeup has melted from everyone’s face, making the faces look like botched water colour projects that their teenage children would have done on them.

After all hope in the world is lost, you see the big vehicle come gingerly. As if nothing happened. 19 minutes 57 seconds have passed by. In Twitter world, that is a century. The driver is unfazed, cut off from reality, even as you walk into the bus. You make your peace with everything, as soon as wind hits your face. Of course, the bus was supposed to arrive in 20 minutes.

2. You buy 10 kgs of grocery. Of course one needs to. What if there is an emergency? What if you feel like having salted chips and there is none? Planning is everything. You pick up the 10 bags from the counter, and still manage to hold on to your phone in your hands with the bag slung on your shoulder. Midway you realise that you can’t even get keep the phone inside the bag, because it would require unloading all the packets, opening the bag, finding a spot which is clutter free(so that the phone surface doesn’t get scratched) and then closing the zip and picking up the bags again. So you decide to hold the phone in your hands or between your jaws like a dog(haven’t tried this one yet). As you are about to reach the bus stop, barely registering the weight you have been carrying and thinking of rewarding yourself with a chocolate ice cream, you shriek in your head. The bus is already there and the passengers are already filing in. The lucky passengers who didn’t have to run the bus marathon.

Bus Marathon

Your body gears up in seconds and you start looking like the bull whose only intention is to bore its horns through the elusive red cloth.  You start running. But then you realise that your shoes might not be as skid proof as you would want to imagine them to be. Plus, with shoes as delicate as rose petals, one needs to be careful even breathing near the shoes lest they magically tear, like Salman Khan’s shirt in Dabbang. You decide to run the bus marathon, while keeping all the above factors in mind. You look like a pestered chicken by the time you complete the bus marathon, knowing that you would have to run the next day again. Consistency is key. Over time, one is able to look ladylike(if that person is a lady, of course), sophisticated, careful and extremely fast.

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